with your own penis?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
