someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
