isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
