To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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