so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
