Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
