I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize