if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
