and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
