I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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