dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
