I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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