i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
