That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
