the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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