So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have post one night stand depression
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