They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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