There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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