The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
