I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
