Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
