Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
