Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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