dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
