Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I looked at my own cervix.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
