sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize