Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
