i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize