the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
