Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
