I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
