My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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