It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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