i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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