What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
