I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
