If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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