Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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