you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
