Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
