So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
