I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sorry my hands just texted you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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