You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
