If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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