I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
