you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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