Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
