we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
