Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
