I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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