if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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