trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
