i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
