I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
