If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
