hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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